Tag Archives: trust

How Strong is Your Intuition? (or Trust Your Inner Banana.)



The lesson lies in learning
And by teaching  I’ll be taught
For there’s nothing hidden anywhere
It’s all there to be sought 



stacy and puppy

Part of becoming stronger spiritually involves learning to trust your gut.

When all the signs are there, what you suspect is going on, probably is.    musician

 Never second guess what your intuition tells you.  Quiet yourself.   Look deeply  within the inner recesses of your heart and know.  Trust yourself.  While intuition may seem to arise from some mysterious inner source, it’s actually one form of human unconscious reasoning—one that is well-rooted in the way our brains collect and store information. 

As humans begin to accumulate knowledge, whether it is about the person with whom we live,  or about how to accomplish a task or how to impress someone to hire us for a job, we begin to recognize patterns.   This is true for virtually everything that we do.  The brain unconsciously organizes these patterns into individual blocks of information.  This is a process that Herbert Simon, PhD, a famous social scientist, refers to as  “chunking”.   Over time the  brain chunks and links  to more and more patterns, then stores them as clusters of information  in one’s long-term memory.   This can be tested when we detect a tiny detail of a familiar design.  We instantly recognize the larger composition—and that’s what we regard as a flash of intuition.   Trust that intuition, regardless of what you are being told.  Our brain circuitry evolved in this way so that we, as humans, can evaluate a situation quickly.  It is our “fight or flight” instinct.

phone talk

 Let your instincts guide you, for example, when you are trying to decide if you are being lied to.   Despite what self-help books  and television psychics may tell you, “There are no easily detectable signs that indicate lying, so even if you’re adept at reading people, you can’t infer dishonesty based on the other person’s gestures or behavior,” says David Myers, PhD, author of Intuition: Its Powers and Perils.  Sometimes, you just have to put all the pieces together and trust your gut.   

 Often liars use tactics that are designed to cause people to lose their intuitive senses.  For instance, I have a friend whose partner is having an affair, and who lies to her continually.  She knows, in her gut, that it is happening, but he adamantly denies it, causing her to feel crazy, telling her that she “has issues”.   Upon occasion, she may angrily confront him, but when she does, he will raise his voice, get right into her face and intimidate her to the point that she loses her intuitive knowledge and begins to doubt herself.


My friend’s  clever partner   disparages his secret lover to my friend.  He tells her  that he is being pursued by this “crazy woman”who is madly in love with him…. then turns around and  apologetically conveys this message to the secret lover with the explanation that his partner is  “crazy” and “dangerous” and that he just HAS to tell her SOMETHING.   He works both sides at once, and by virtue of his manipulation, maintains the affection of both parties.  The lover is always told that he is on the verge of leaving the partner.    The partner is being cajoled into believing that he plans to stay with her forever.  Truth is, this guy is a skirt chaser that is always on the prowl for the “better deal” and chances are, he’ll end up leaving them both in the dust eventually.

In her heart (and gut) the partner knows he is lying to her, but he will not even allow  her to get the words out of her mouth before he starts to yell at her angrily.    She has even insisted that he engage in a 3-way conference call with the lover, herself and her partner or make some kind of public denouncement, but he always comes up with an excuse not to do it, or will make a half-assed effort after warning the lover first that it is about to happen.  Why is that?  She wants him to send his lover a text to say that he doesn’t want to hear from her again, but, of course, he calls her first to warn her.  She wants him to post something online, but, of course he refuses.  She should examine this carefully!  What is he afraid of??



My friend should trust her gut.  Her partner  blames all kinds of external forces  and evil spirits for the discrepancies that his partner observes, but he NEVER accepts responsibility for his own actions.    Just as he calculates that it will,  his lying and manipulation  weaken my friend, K, on many levels, the worst of which is to rob her of her intuitive powers.  In fact, these repetitive patterns   render her into a state of pathetic helplessness, just as her partner hopes they will.

At the end of the day, she does intuitively know what is going on.  She can sense it and feel it in her gut, but she stays, because SHE is weak.  She has been worn down by the dishonesty of it all.


Remember, when all of the signs are there, and in your gut, you KNOW that things are not as they are being represented, do not allow yourself to be  manipulated into believing something quite the opposite of what you know in your heart and mind, is the truth.   No matter how many times he swears it is a cucumber, the object in the picture above is a banana.

Trust your inner banana.




Can Men and Women Be Friends?


I am a professional writer who is contracted to write on various subjects. Today, I received an assignment to write an article about friendships that exist between men and women. I respectfully request input from my readers. If you are not comfortable leaving a comment here, please send me an email and let me know your opinions. (bayarts4u at gmail)

Most people are familiar with the famous Billy Crystal lines about the impossibilities of a man being “just friends” with a woman. Whether or not this is true, psychological studies suggest that these “friendships” are certainly less common than friendships between people who are the same gender. Add marriage to the mix and the combination is even rarer. (Bell, 1981; Block, 1980; Rubin, 1985).

The reason for this? Research indicates that this is primarily due to possessiveness and jealousy that often characterizes sexual relationships and coupled life (Block, 1980; McGill, 1985; Rubin, 1985).

In his study, Bell (1981) discusses what he describes as an emerging “new pattern” in cross-gender friendship: “Men turn more to women for close relationships, and relationships with other men are less stressed as the only ‘real’ friendships” (Bell, 1981, p. 112). Rubin (1985) found similar trends. Some of the men in her study describe how a friendship with a woman provides them with nurturance and intimacy, that generally is not available in their friendships with other men. The women in Rubin’s study share this view and most of them agree that in their friendships with men, they are the ones who listen and nurture. The vast majority of women, however, report that their friendships with men are less intimate than their relationships with other women. For their most intimate friendships, women turn to each other.

So what do you think? Is it possible for men and women to be friends?

In my opinion, yes it is. I have a number of good friends who are male and our relationships are not sexual. Some of these friendships have been going on for decades. Others are newer. My husband has non-sexual friendships with women as well, and these friendships are long term and have nothing to do with me. We are secure enough in our relationship that jealousy does not even play into the equation, and we respect one another enough to know that we cannot be and are not all things to one another.

I like it that my husband has his own personality and isn’t just some clone of me or of what I want him to be.    What is a relationship if you can’t trust your partner, right? Without trust, it becomes something different altogether. In my opinion, it invalidates the relationship altogether and turns it into some kind of sick dependency more than a real partnership between two people.  I don’t have to lie to my husband, because who I am is ok with him.  Same deal in reverse.  I don’t think our partners are necessarily placed on this earth to meet up to our expectations.    When we stop thinking as individuals and begin thinking as couples, we lose entire chunks of our personalities.  That’s not for me, thank you.   I’d rather live with someone I trust, rather than always be kept guessing, or worse, than to be continually lied to because my husband wanted to be friends with a member of the opposite sex and I couldn’t handle it….but then, that’s just me.  I don’t view life as a contest, and I don’t view other human beings as prizes.  Come to think of it, I don’t view them as my possessions either.

What is your opinion? What have your own experiences been in this area? Please comment and let me know or drop me an email.