Tag Archives: love

Pegi Young, and Women Who Can’t Live Without Men

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You know the type.  Even though he cheats on her….even though he bashes her behind her back…even though he is a serial liar, she clings to him, because she can’t live without a man to accompany her. Regardless of what he does, she HAS to have a man beside her or she doesn’t feel worthy or complete.

However, if  you’re in a relationship with someone who used to make you happy and no longer does, what keeps you there is not love, it’s fear, so don’t talk to me about being soft-hearted or forgiving, because you’re a fool, if this applies to you, and everyone who knows the two of you also understands this.  They just don’t have the heart to tell you.

If he has cheated once, he will do it again…and HAS…and still continues to.   You think by staying in an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship you are doing the right thing.  You convince yourself that things will get better, that he’ll change and that it’s not that bad, you can live with things the way they are. But the truth is you can’t and you know it.   Pegi Young is a woman who has said, “To hell with it…” and has forged a whole new life for herself, despite the public humiliation of her former husband’s infidelities.  I admire her for this.

Pegi Young turned that negative experience into a positive one.  She turned it into art.

This morning, NPR did a show about how Neil Young had dumped his wife of 36 years for the younger, prettier Daryl Hannah, shown here relaxing in France.

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But this story isn’t really about Neil Young.  It is about his ex wife, Pegi….the woman who was jilted….because she didn’t ‘just crawl into a hole and go away.  She embraced what happened to her in a way that puts Neil to shame.  Yes, “the best revenge is living well,” or so they say, and Pegi Young is doing just that.

I’ve heard a lot of people criticize her for putting out this album and drawing attention to herself at “this age” but I love it that she did this. Her album is not necessarily my cup of tea, and I have been a Neil Young fan forever, but I admire Pegi for taking the reigns and being in command of her own destiny regardless of what he did to her. Making this album demonstrated tremendous inner strength, and it doesn’t matter how old she is, what she looks like, how “jilted” she was when she did it.  She did it to heal, and I admire her for it.

Her new album is called, “Raw”….and it is.  She said that writing the songs that are on it is what got her through, i.e. saved her life. Each of her new songs deals with one of the seven stages of grief.  In this song, “Trying to Live my Life Without You,” Pegi wrote, “We regretted the changes that brought us to now. I’d take it all back if I only knew how. You can drive on away with the weight of demand. And the road keeps on going until you find where you land….”

She has made a statement that makes HER look like the better person. She has taken a pile of shit and turned it into gold.  I have so much respect for a person who does something like this instead of deciding to wallow in the shit as their lives go by with disrespect from their partners.  Pegi Young is a strong woman.  A REAL woman, and she has my respect.

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How Not to Die

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I am very excited to announce the long-awaited book by my nutrition guru, Dr. Michael Greger.  Folks, this is a revolutionary breakthrough in medical research that will blow your minds!  Pick up a copy by visiting NutritionFacts.org.   This is the book that will change your life forever.  Would make a great holiday gift as well!

IT’s OFFICIAL: Processed Red Meats Cause Cancer

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This article appeared on NPR this morning.   It is an empirical finding by the World Health Organization.

The World Health Organization has put bacon, hot dogs and sausages in the same category of cancer risk as tobacco smoking.

The World Health Organization has put bacon, hot dogs and sausages in the same category of cancer risk as tobacco smoking.

The World Health Organization has deemed that processed meats — such as bacon, sausages and hot dogs — cause cancer.

In addition, the WHO says red meats including beef, pork, veal and lamb are “probably carcinogenic” to people.

A group of 22 scientists reviewed the evidence linking red meat and processed meat consumption to cancer, and concluded that eating processed meats regularly increases the risk of colorectal cancer. Their evidence review is explained in an article published in The Lancet.

The conclusion puts processed meats in the same category of cancer risk as tobacco smoking and asbestos. This does not mean that they are equally dangerous, says the International Agency for Research on Cancer — the agency within the WHO that sets the classifications. And it’s important to note that even things such as aloe vera are on the list of possible carcinogens.

In a Q & A released by the IARC, the agency says that “eating meat has known health benefits,” but it also points out that the cancer risk increases with the amount of meat consumed. As we’ve reported, studies show that the heaviest meat eaters tend to have the highest risk.

The IARC says high-temperature cooking methods (such as cooking meat in direct contact with a flame) produce more carcinogenic compounds. However, the group says there were not enough data “to reach a conclusion about whether the way meat is cooked affects the risk of cancer.”

Susan Gapstur of the American Cancer Society says the society recommends “consuming a healthy diet with an emphasis on plant foods and limiting consumption of processed meat and red meat,” she told us in a written statement.

The recommendation, Gapstur tells The Salt, is based on research. For instance, a systematic literature review on colorectal cancer published in 2011 by the World Cancer Research Fund found a statistically significant, 16 percent increased risk of colorectal cancer associated with each 100 grams of red and processed meat consumed. As the ACS points out, this is an amount of meat roughly equivalent in size to a deck of cards.

The Lancet paper points out that red meat also contains “high biological-value proteins and important micronutrients such as B vitamins, iron and zinc.” And the North American Meat Institute says lots of research points to the benefits of red meat consumption.

“Scientific evidence shows cancer is a complex disease not caused by single foods and that a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle choices are essential to good health,” writes Barry Carpenter, president of the North American Meat Institute, in a statement on the new WHO classification.

Carpenter says it’s important to put this new classification in context. “IARC’s panel was given the basic task of looking at hazards that meat could pose at some level, under circumstance, but was not asked to consider any off-setting benefits, like the nutrition that meat delivers or the implications of drastically reducing or removing meat from the diet altogether,” the statement concludes.

Are you Depressed?

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In my opinion,  psychiatrists should first test their patients for nutritional deficiencies before writing prescriptions for Zoloftor for  antipsychotics, like Zyprexa.  Conscientious doctors send patients to get lab work done prior to prescribing drugs or increasing dosages.  There are times when people do need antidepressants.   However,  other times  spinach would go far to eliminate the symptoms of depression.   Think Popeye.

If you haven’t ever tested your nutrition levels, you might inquire with either your psychiatrist or primary-care physician. Supplements can be expensive, but you can make it back  by not having to see your psychiatrist as often. You should talk to your doctor before taking any supplements, especially if you’re on prescription drugs.

 

Vitamin D

According to my doctor, Vitamin D deficiency is a major epidemic that doctors and public health officials are just beginning to realize. This deficiency has been linked to depression, dementia, and autism. Most of our levels drop off during the fall and winter months, since sunlight is the richest source.   My doctor believes that we should be getting from 5,000 to 10,000 IU  a day.  However, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) recommends most healthy adults get only about 600 IUs daily.  Hence, the widespread deficiency and increases in depression.

Magnesium

I am forever extolling the virtues of Magnesium, because this, like Vitamin D, is deficient in most American adults, according to my doctor, and the symptoms are not pretty.  They can, in fact, set off a chain reaction of unpleasant symptoms. Our lifestyles decrease our levels of Magnesium.  Some of the things that contribute are excess alcohol, salt, coffee, sugar, phosphoric acid (in soda), chronic stress, antibiotics, and diuretics (water pills). Magnesium is sometimes referred to as the stress antidote, the “most powerful relaxation mineral that exists,” according to Hyman. It is found in seaweed, greens, and beans. The NIH recommends a daily intake of about 400 to 420 milligrams (mg) of magnesium for adult men and 310 to 320 mg for adult women.  Magnesium Citrate can also act as a laxative, so buy your Magnesium accordingly….and time it well.

Omega-3 Fatty Acids

I was surprised when my results showed an omega-3 fatty acid deficiency because I eat plenty of salmon and take fish oil supplements every day. That shows you just how much fish — salmon, tuna, halibut — or flaxseeds and walnuts we need to consume to be at an optimal level. These essential minerals reduce inflammation and play a critical role in brain function, especially memory and mood. The body can’t make them, so you need to either eat them or take supplements. Omega-3 fatty acids are just one of the supplements I take every day for depression

Vitamin B Complex

B vitamins like vitamin B-6 and vitamin B-12 can provide some incredible health benefits, including reduced stroke risk and healthy skin and nails. On the other hand, a vitamin B deficiency may impact your mental health. More than a quarter of severely depressed older women were deficient in B-12, according to one 2009 study.

The best sources of vitamin B-6 are poultry, seafood, bananas, and leafy green vegetables. For vitamin B-6, the NIH recommends a daily intake of 1.7 mg for adult men, and 1.5 mg for adult women. Vitamin B-12 is found in animal foods (meat, fish, poultry, eggs, and milk) and shellfish, such as clams, mussels, and crab. Most adults should need to consume 2.4 micrograms (mcg) of vitamin B-12 daily, according to the NIH.

Folate

People with a low folate level have only a 7 percent response to treatment with antidepressants. Those with high folate levels have a response of 44 percent, according to Hyman. That is why many psychiatrists are now prescribing a folate called Deplin to treat depression and improve the effectiveness of an antidepressant. I tried it and it didn’t seem to make that much of a difference; however, I have several friends who have had very positive responses to Deplin. You need not try the prescription form of Deplin. You could just start taking a folate supplement and see if you get any results. Your daily recommended folate intake depends on your gender, whether you’re pregnant or breastfeeding, and age. However, most adults need at least 400 mcg daily. You can also get your daily folate requirements by consuming foods high in folate, including dark leafy greens, beans and legumes, and citrus fruits and juices.

 Amino Acids

Amino acids — the building blocks of protein — help your brain properly function. A deficiency in amino acids may cause you to feel sluggish, foggy, unfocused, and depressed. Good sources of amino acids include beef, eggs, fish, beans, seeds, and nuts.

 Iron

Iron deficiency is pretty common in women. About 20 percent of women, and 50 percent of pregnant women, are in the club. Only three percent of men are iron deficient. The most common form of anemia — an insufficient number of red blood cells — is caused by iron deficiency. Its symptoms are similar to depression: fatigue, irritability, brain fog. Most adults should consume 8 to 18 mg of iron daily, depending on age, gender, and diet, according to the NIH. Good sources of iron include red meat, fish, and poultry. If you really want to get more red blood cells, eat liver. Yuck.

 Zinc

This one is SO important!  Zinc is used by more enzymes (and we have over 300) than any other mineral. It is crucial to many of our systems. It activates our digestive enzymes so that we can break down our food, and works to prevent food allergies (which, in turn, averts depression in some people, since some of our mood disruptions are triggered by food allergies). It also helps our DNA to repair and produce proteins. Finally, zinc helps control inflammation and boosts our immune system. The NIH recommends a daily intake of 11 mg of zinc for adult men and 8 mg for adult women.

 Selenium

Like iodine, selenium is important for good thyroid function. It assists the conversion of inactive thyroid hormone T4 to the active thyroid hormone, T3. It also helps one of our important antioxidants (glutathione peroxidase) keep polyunsaturated acids in our cell membranes from getting oxidized (rancid). Most adults need about 55 mcg of selenium daily. The best food source of selenium is Brazil nuts, which contains about 544 mcg of selenium per ounce.

Iodine

Iodine deficiency can be a big problem because iodine is critical for the thyroid to work as it should, and the thyroid affects more than you think: your energy, metabolism, body temperature, growth, immune function, and brain performance (concentration, memory, and more). When it’s not functioning properly, you can feel very depressed, among other things. You can get iodine by using an iodine-enriched salt, or by eating dried seaweed, shrimp, or cod. I take a kelp supplement every morning because I have hypothyroidism. The daily recommend amount of iodine for most adults is about 150 mcg.

A Small Way to Help Homeless Women

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I love handbags almost as much as I love shoes, and I have a plethora of them.   When a couple of years have gone by without my using one of them, I stuff it full of toiletries, snacks, sanitary products, medicines such as aspirin and antibacterial spray, toothpaste, deodorant, pen and small notepad, a change purse full of loose coins and a few bucks, wetnaps and a few other things.  I also include a list of emergency numbers of shelters, free clinics and other numbers and addresses that could be helpful.  I keep a few of these in the trunk of my car.

Whenever I see a homeless woman, I will stop and offer her one.

Just a small way to help homeless women   I figure every little bit helps.

Feeling Great ….Really

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You know, I stay so busy that I can sometimes lose touch of how I feel on a given day, simply because I’m on auto-pilot so often, rushing from one job to another, working on opening my business, still writing and writing and making art, providing childcare for Ingrid, taking care of our home, making music, making life happen…..so when I stop, as I did today while the beautiful scent of lavender (my favorite) wafted up from the floors that I’d just mopped, and I thought about how I really feel, all I could think was how great I have it right now….how happy I am….how all the pieces have simply fallen into place.

There is illness in my family….my cousin….my parents….but even still, my heart is peaceful, albeit very concerned.

There is no dysfunction in my immediate life.  There is stress, but it is the normal kind that comes with an overwhelming, crushing amount of work….yet, each time I complete one task and go on to the next, I feel a little happier, like I am one step closer to opening this business and realizing my goals.  Things are so good!  I am one lucky woman.

I would like to thank those family members who have been so incredibly supportive of me….my husband, my daughter and on and on.  What would I have done without them?   My dear friends who make sure I know I am valuable to them.  I have some incredible friends, and I have not lost a single one of them in years.  They stand by me in the face of controversy and make sure that I know I am loved, every day of the week.   I am one lucky woman.

I still love living in this beautiful city in this beautiful state and I count my blessings every day for everything that I have.  Money can’t buy this folks.  Money can’t buy this kind of happiness.

Life just doesn’t get much better than this.

I have love.  I have life.  I have someone who is very, very special and sweet who makes me feel good to be alive, and for this, I am most thankful of all.

Life is great.

See This Smile?

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This is the smile of a happy woman who KNOWS that  she is loved.

Simple pleasures are the BEST pleasures.

Thank you…to my beautiful friend.

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A special friend sent me this video this morning.  You can see his reflection in my glasses.

Rene Best musician                                       Rene Best guitarist
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Rene Best musician

On Being a Mystery Writer

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On Being a Mystery Writer

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You are the type of person that installs monitoring equipment in your house and that taps telephones so that if one wanted to make a call in private, he or she would have to go elsewhere.  Che palle! 

Imagine you are a pseudo-detective gone undercover to inspect the same source of information every day to attempt to figure out clues and to glean information about a puzzle you are trying to fit together.  Your quest to reconnoiter is fed by your daily obsession with one source of information that you know, in your gut, has been feeding you the real facts that you seek.

Meanwhile….basically, your life sucks, but you don’t want anyone to know how much.  You plaster the Internet with old, misleading pictures that were taken before things took a nose dive …..before the truth was openly revealed.  You write false statements about happiness that you clearly do not experience.  You pour your energy into searching..searching…searching for answers that you already know in your gut. 

You are one determined, angry little hornet detective!

Then imagine that because something unbeknownst to you transpired, your primary source of information suddenly changed to reflect absolutely nothing that would be of any use to you in your quest …ever again.

That is what has happened here.

The circus tent has collapsed.

NO MORE INFO FOR YOU!

I am happy and secure. (That’s all the clue you’ll ever get.)

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I have everything I need.

Last reference.

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Attempted Distractions

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Attempted Distractions

I refuse to buy into attempts, by means of intentionally orchestrated, false impressions to be distracted from my bliss.  The serene moments of quite are the best times to reflect and be grateful. Awareness best comes with mindfulness.                    Rene Best musician

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Protected: Creativity

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Protected: Creativity

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Spontaneous Poem for Wednesday – by Pamela Goode

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My friend, Pam Goode probably has no idea how much an inspiration she is to me, and on so many different levels, and for so many different reasons….but she is.  I considered her Spontaneous Poem for Wednesday a true gift, as it was exactly what I was looking for this morning…in a “Seek and ye shall find” kind of way.    Thank you for this, Pam.

(P.S. – Oh…and you rock.)

Weightless

there are times of
too many
too much
too few
never enough

and the subject matter dances between the lines, depending
voices
emotions
work
drink
sustenance
fear
sorrow
joy
surprise

and sometimes what falls into “too much” one day
falls into “never enough” on another

and i struggle with this dance of
emotion
pain
joy
change

in equal amounts of
too much and
too little

believing
that to live fully is to know
it all
intensely
hurt and
solace

but it is never
weightless

c. Pamela Goode

Having an Opera Day

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One of the things that brought us together initially, was the fact that both John and I were (and still are) big opera fans.  When we met, I had seasons tickets to the Houston Grand Opera , and we used to go together frequently….or I would go by myself….or I would go with my best mate, Katie or with my kids.

We are an opera family.  While still a high school student, my  son used to be an usher at the Houston Grand Opera, which allowed him to see all of the operas free of charge.   He has loved opera since.  I took all of my kids with me, however.  Again…we are an opera family.

I saw Pavarotti sing Nessun Dorma and other of his “greatest hits” in person, upon a number of occasions, thanks to dear Katie, and still weep at the notion of his no longer being among the living. He was magnificent!  I was never fortunate enough to see him in an actual opera, however.

John and I both adore Puccini’s operas and have been listening to them this morning with the windows open, the cool breeze blowing in and the flowers blooming everywhere outside. This is another day in which the temperature is mild and absolutely perfect. (These Portland springs and summers make the dark winters well worth the wait. )

As I write this, we are listening to Pavarotti sing Turandot.  There are simply no words to describe how beautiful this music is!  It really brings out the romance in my husband, too.   🙂

Fell in love with him all over again today.

This, my friends, is a beautiful day.

Thank you, opera.

Which Song Was Written for You?

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A friend sent this little quiz to me this morning and I thought I’d share.  Answer a few questions to find out which song was written especially for you!   It’s sort of fun.  Click HERE to find out which song is a fit for you.

This is what mine said:

 “You are a positive and passionate person. Your smile is breathtakingly beautiful, no one can resist smiling after meeting you. Go on and spread some joy while listening to “Happy” by Pharrell Williams, it’s YOUR song!”

 

What about you?  What’d YOU get? 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

The Perils of Long Distance Love

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Long distance relationships can’t work…or so  the colloquial wisdom goes. Ok…maybe they’ll work for a while: You’ll exchange a few texts, talk on the phone when you can both steal moments alone, maybe visit once in a while, have great sex, enjoy your time together thoroughly….. But the heartache of being apart and living separate lives will finally begin to wear on you until finally, things will just fizzle out….and it really can be painful.

 

Wait!  Not true, according to a small but growing number of social science studies. Long-distance relationships are, in many ways, stronger than relationships between couples who live together or close by, shows a new study published today in the Journal of Communication.

“While the public and the science community hold a pessimistic view towards long distance (LD), this research provides compelling support for the opposite side – long distance is not necessarily inferior to geographically close dating,” says Crystal Jiang, an assistant professor of communication at City University of Hong Kong.

 

Jiang’s research suggests  that people in long-distance relationships reported feeling emotionally closer to their long-distance lovers than did people in relationships with people who were literally — geographically — closer. Long-distance couples also reported sharing more with their lovers, and feeling like their partners were really listening.

 

“You always hear people say ‘long-distance relationships suck’ or ‘long-distance relationships never work out,’” Jiang says. “Indeed, our culture, particularly American culture, emphasizes being together physically and frequent face-to-face contact for close relationships, but long-distance relationships clearly stand against all these values.”  Talking goes to greater depths.  It is easier, in some cases, to establish bonds of trust.

It’s especially reassuring to hear this now, as so many couples today are living apart.  My husband and I spend many months apart doing the year.   In fact, three million Americans live apart from their spouses (for reasons other than divorce or discordance), Jiang says. It’s a trend that’s has spawned the term “commuter marriages” in recent headlines reflecting the new realities of tough economic times — you’ve got to go where the job is, after all. And many college students, not surprisingly, live apart from their partners – up to 50 percent are in a long-distance relationship, according to one estimate in a 2005 report.

 

It gets harder to estimate how many non-married, non-college students are in long-distance relationships, but according to one estimate, 14 percent of dating relationships were long-distance, according to the Center for the Study of Long-Distance Relationships. (Yes, such a thing once existed; sadly, it has closed). And HEY!  I’m a college student, so this is interesting stuff! 🙂 Read the rest of this entry