On Being Married to a College Professor

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Being married to a college professor can be, at times, like being married to a rock star…or at least someone famous.   What I mean by that is, there is always a group of women with crushes, there are always nighttime phone calls, unexpected gifts and flirtations galore.  Flowers will arrive on his birthday.  Gifts come at Christmas….everything from magazine subscriptions to gift certificates to nice restaurants. These things always make me smile.  I’m the lucky one.

The women who do it are knowledge junkies who are turned on by my husband’s intelligence.  There is a whole group of people who strive to get close to close to him because he is their professor.  They call at all hours with questions…and, “Oh…would you like to go out for a drink?”  I say, “Go!”  It doesn’t bother me a bit.  A man who is happy in his marriage is not going to stray.  That is the bottom line, and I know my husband is happy, because he shows me in one way or another, every day, always putting the marriage first, looking out for me, being loving and kind, taking the time to really discuss things with me without raising his voice.

My husband has traveled the globe in his capacity as a professor, administrator, author, playwright, et al.  There is the story of the woman in China…his tour guide….who exchanged email addresses and proceeded to ruthlessly flirt.  There are countless stories of students who send him gifts and flirty notes.  It happens, and I barely notice.  It doesn’t bother me at all.  I trust the man implicitly.  Otherwise, I would not be married to him.  I would not be in a marriage or any relationship, in which I couldn’t trust the other person.  I mean, what is the point?  Who is that insecure, anyway? I can’t imagine.

There are always women who have worked hard on their writing….their short stories and poetry, who target him as someone who really cares.  They are right.  He does.  He cares about his students, their writing and work, and he does what he can to help them. He just doesn’t care about their crushes the way that they want him to.  I mean, he does care, and is gentle with them as he lets them down.   About this, he is sincere.  He is an excellent lecturer, and his classwork is interesting and stimulating.  However, just as many patients develop crushes on their doctors, or church attendees develop crushes on their ministers, so goes it with college professors.

There are the ones who try to sidle up to me, because I am his wife, thus providing easy access.  I can spot them a mile away, because it has happened so many times.  I’m nice to them, invite them over for tea, interact with them in a friendly manner, knowing full well that they are seeking the attention of my husband.  It’s sort of funny really.  I think we both work together to let them down gently.

Not a day passes that I am not grateful that I can be secure in my relationship, that I know, deep in my heart, that despite those who develop crushes on him, he is true to his marriage.  I would never even consider being in a relationship in which trust was not at the forefront of all interactions.  I can’t imagine being so insecure that I’d stay in a relationship that was any different.  Nope.  I’m a pretty lucky woman.

Ours is not a conventional marriage.  Some of you reading this will understand this statement more than others.  However, a good marriage it is.  We are deeply in love with one another, and are always concerned about the other person.  Isn’t that the way a good marriage should be?

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