It is raining softly today, but still very nice outside….mild.  I hesitate to even write this entry, because I don’t want to sound like this is about me.  So many people have it worse off than I do…but my feelings of loss have increased exponentially over the last week and it would be impossible for me not to mention the affect this has had on my life.  If not for the love of my husband and my best friend, I would probably be falling apart right now.    After writing about the deaths of two friends over the last few days, I have just learned of a third who was gunned down on a street corner in Bogata, Columbia, while waiting for a bus.

I mentioned in a previous entry that I had lost no friends in years…and except for these deaths, that is still a true statement, but oh, what losses these are!  I feel them tremendously.  They weigh heavily on my head and heart today and I have been weepy this morning. I am so sorry for their family members and other friends, and wish there was something I could do to make this a less painful time for them.  Fortunately, my husband is flying home this afternoon to lend his usual loving support to me, and I am counting my blessings that I have him.  He and I will attend our other friend’s memorial service together, but more than that, will take comfort in one another’s company during this sad time.

Steve’s was a senseless murder and the shooter has not been apprehended.   I have no further  details,  other than the fact that a friend from Texas was visiting him and was also shot, but not seriously injured.    Steve, a musician first and computer engineer second, had discovered a love for anthropology in his 50’s, and had set out to get his PhD in Cultural Studies.    He was working on his dissertation and close to completing the program. He was one of the finest guitarists I have ever known and was a very loving, kind person.

We had only spoken twice since he had been in Columbia.  Each time, I could hear a new spark in his voice, the sound of joy of discovery and freedom. He loved living there and had embraced its culture and was having a great time.  He spoke fondly of the beautiful people there.   There are mean thugs everywhere, so I am not bitter about his being in Columbia and I do not attribute his death to his being in Columbia.  I am happy that he got to experience life there.  He had wanted to do this for a long time.  Had he stayed in Texas, his nutty ex probably would have shot him eventually.   He had recently left a very bad, abusive marriage and was starting over.  He had highest hopes and although traumatized, felt great about his new life.  He had eventually planned to return to the US and teach at a university on the East Coast.  Always full of fun and adventure, Steve was.  I miss him already.

Ironically, in a conversation with my Aunt this morning, she relayed that she had also lost 3 friends over the last week, and that all of their memorial services are to be held this Saturday.

Into every life a little rain must fall.  However, after having returned from a long, contemplative walk, I can think of so much I have to be thankful for right now. The significant relationships that I have are all the more important now. That is the silver lining.  I know how lucky I am.  I am sad, but not discouraged.  I will not dwell on the sickness and death.  I will cherish the good things and feel honored that, for now,  they are my own.  I have been blessed and or this, I am grateful.

Goodbye, Stevie.  You were a good friend.

rain heart