This is “Tak,” my beloved Takamine EAN10CX. I have been steadily re-learning to play her and by the end of this morning’s lesson, I really felt I had made a breakthrough. I learned to play guitar the “wrong” way, meaning that I taught myself to play originally, and used unconventional fingering for a lot of the chords.
Awhile back, I took it upon myself to start at the very beginning and retrain my fingers and my brain to play correctly. Let me tell you. It is not easy to “unlearn” incorrect information that has been etched into the brain for so many years, but today, I could feel that I had overcome a hurdle. I didn’t feel that usual struggle, and my fingers responded in a different way. It’s as though they yielded to the new information and allowed me to take them to a level of playing that I had not achieved with this new training. Although anyone listening to me could probably not tell the difference, *I* can…and that is what counts.
Last week, I was walking little Beatrix down the block and as we approached a house about two blocks away, the sound of acoustic music began to grow louder and louder. As we neared, I saw a group of musicians gathered in the side yard of a big house on the corner, and I stopped to listen for awhile. They motioned me over, and I eventually sat in for a few tunes with them. Didn’t play an instrument, just sang. I got many compliments on what I consider to be a pretty rusty voice at this point in my life, and was asked to join them again. After this morning’s guitar lesson, I feel confident enough to take Tak with me next time. It should be fun.
I began today with a feeling of true joy in my heart. Feeling confident about love casts a new perspective on virtually everything. Every single relationship that I have chosen for my life is in synch right now. Had a long talk with my sweet husband yesterday. Got a surprisingly loving note in the mail. Had a heart-to-heart with my cousin. Had another loving phone conversation with a friend. Things are simply good right now, and I am enjoying my life more than I can say. Remarkably, things that would have had me in tears five years ago, are now cause for happiness. I feel more light-hearted and free than I have felt in decades.
I know there will be future trials and tribulations, because that is just a natural aspect of life…but right now, today, I am not in conflict with a single person that I have an active relationship with. I am shown and told, every day of my life, that I am loved, and I could not be more grateful. This alone, instills a deep happiness in my heart and makes even the smallest things come to the forefront of my consciousness with new platitudes of gratitude. (Hmm….I might write a song about that…) For instance, I am baking squash for dumplings, and I just noticed how the aroma had filled the house with scents of thyme and cinnamon and I almost laughed out loud. Little things can make me happy when the big, important things fulfill my heart.
I am thankful. I know, without a doubt in my mind, how lucky I am. When things go this smoothly, I am instilled with new vigor for life. I have sailed through my assignments this week and am about two days ahead of where I usually am in the week. I have to work two problems in my research methods class and write a paper about leadership strategies today, and then I will be finished. I look forward to spending time with Ingrid this weekend and to making my house sparkle. (Yes, I am one of those weirdos that actually enjoys cleaning house.) My heart is singing a melodious love song.
I love my life…and get this. I am full of doubt about it. That’s right. I am smart enough to know that anything about it could change at any moment. I am smart enough to know that I will be learning for the rest of my life and will die only knowing a fraction of what there is to learn. My husband could drop dead. I could lose a parent. My best friend could call and say goodbye forever. My daughter could be in a car accident. However, I refuse to live in fear and negativity. This realization only causes me to cherish each positive aspect of my life even more, and to appreciate it all with so much more gratitude. I love my life. For now, things are so good.