There is a lot of truth in Mr. Depp’s words here….but doesn’t it all depend on the type of love one is referring to? I mean, there are different kinds of lobe. Ambiguous love….the “I love you” that one espouses for humanity in general, but I assume Mr. Depp means romantic love..and in that case, yes. I agree. If someone strays, the first relationship wasn’t that good to begin with. It’s pretty black and white. And no matter how the person from the first relationship protests, nothing changes this fact.
Dr. Elaine Hatfield from the University of Hawaii suggests that there are only two basic types of love: compassionate love and passionate love. I don’t necessarily agree with her theory, but I do find it interesting.
According to Hatfield, compassionate love is characterized by mutual respect, attachment, affection and trust. Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings of mutual understanding and shared respect for one another. Passionate love is characterized by intense emotions, sexual attraction, anxiety and affection. When these intense emotions are reciprocated, people feel elated and fulfilled. Non-reciprocated love leads to feelings of despondence and despair. Hatfield suggests that passionate love is transitory, usually lasting between 6 and 30 months….and when it is gone…it is gone. Period.
Hatfield also suggests that passionate love arises when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person meets your preconceived ideas of an ideal love, and when you experience heightened physiological arousal in the presence of the other person. In the best case scenario, passionate love then leads to compassionate love, which is far more enduring. While most people desire relationships that combine the security and stability of compassionate with the intensity of passionate love, Hatfield believes that this is rare. So do I.
I do know that my husband and I have both types of this love. We are, above all else, mutual friends who treat one another with a great deal of respect and compassion. However, from the onset of our relationship, we have understood the necessity of keeping the passion alive in the marriage. This is not just a referral to sexual intimacy, although that is important, too. It means that we strive to stimulate each other’s mind and heart as well. John still brings me flowers and writes poetry for me. I still make special dinners for him and do other things of that nature. We continually attend concerts and lectures, take little day trips, go for walks together and do other things that keep the relationship happy, fresh and alive.
While my polyamorous friends will disagree with me, I do not believe that one person can have this same type of love with two people at once. I do, however, believe that one person can love two people at once….and no, I did not just contradict myself. I said that I do not believe that one person can have THIS SAME TYPE of love with two people at once, and in this case, I do agree with Johnny Depp….although I might make an exception if he were to walk up and kiss me. 🙂
Jeweled heart by Stacy Alexander
mixed media – 17″ x 15″